Taking the next step

2010-05-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

You might have wondered. But yeah sometimes you do really make me angry. Why don't i voice it out? I'm not that kinda straightforward type of person. I choose to store it within me, and try to hide it from you. Yeah sometimes you've guessed my feelings at that specific point of time. I just deny it. Well, it just goes away after a long time. I would have forgotten what has happened. Easier way yah? Or do you want me to tell you?

2010-04-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

Just to let you know, sometimes the things you say really make me speechless. Not in a bad way though. I really have no reply for it. In some way or another, i really feel that i cant understand you at times. Yeah i know that i suck at comprehending people. There's this really great desire in me to really want to fully understand you. But yeah i cant. So that sums up why sometimes i get into a confused state, and think of all the possible reasons why this happens. It's like, the things you do obviously tells me whether you're unhappy or happy. And like when you're unhappy, often i really don't know what i did or what i didn't do! It really saddens me. Yeah i know that you're a little sensitive, your emotions change easily. It would be great if i knew the reason but yeah i'm kinda expected to know.

The days go by, everyday the feeling gets stronger. But the more i read, the more i feel that I'm not up to it. I feel that I'm really not the one even if you've feelings. But don't get the wrong idea.
<3 you. Please don't be sad, irritated, angry or anything.
I'm sorry that I've caused you to go to bed having negative emotions : (

Although things are not going the way you want it

2010-04-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

Very enjoyable week. For me that is.. Monday released at 230pm, supposed to have a match against JJC but it rained. Tuesday, i left school really early cos of my stomach ache. Wednesday i was on MC. And today i ended school at 11am. Friday to Monday HOLIDAY POWERPACKED.

Anyway, today we won JJC 2-0. A rather comfortable win which brings us forward to the quarter finals where we will meet VJC and MJC. LOL. Yeah I'm happy that we made it to the quarter finals, but deep down in my heart there's this feeling that asks me if i really feel happy. I found out that actually, i haven't really contributed to the team, maybe warming the bench though.. It really sucks to the core sitting on the bench every game. That's how i feel. But yeah i must also give a thought to the rest of the subs. But in any case, there's still next year, where I'll be playing EVERY single match as a arrogant-looking humble goalkeeper.

Hey you, I've been really missing you very badly. Y'know, both of us are really different in terms of character wise. I think we should just accept each others' views and habits, and eventually it'll just come to a point when you and i fit really nicely side by side. I'm pretty certain of that. You don't have to apologize, it isn't your fault! It's just the normal way you are, and i think i should accept it and adapt to it (: Ah, stay happy ok? Don't wanna ever see you cry or being sad.

Nights :D

Pain

2010-04-19T22:21:00.000-07:00

On 20th April 2010, Thursday. The worst morning ever in my entire life. Let me tell you about it. It was really pain beyond anyone's imagination. My first period at 8am was chinese so i didn't need to attend it. During the next lesson, Maths lecture, after the first 10minutes i felt a slight pain in my stomach and immediately went to the toilet. Yeah i thought it was only a stomach ache. In the toilet, i began to feel pain, every second the pain grew more and more until i couldn't even handle it. Sweat began dripping down my body, my grip on my hands really tightened so hard. Seriously, at that moment i really thought of how to end the pain in my stomach. Stupid thoughts went through my mind but luckily i didn't resort to anything. I just waited to see how it went. As the pain grew, my mind was really weak and i almost fainted. I cried out to God several times, and in the end he answered me and lessened my pain till almost no more. Thank God. I was in the toilet for almost 40minutes. My legs were quite numb. When i got out of the toilet, i was still feeling very giddy and my legs were a little wobbly. Lukas yongjia and wilfred helped me to get an early leave form and so i left school with my dad, saw a doctor and now i'm comfortably at home resting. Thank God for wonderful friends ya? Now after eating my medicine i'm feeling rather fine and okay now. Yupp now i'm gonna rest for the afternoon.

Enjoy the rest of the week people :D

What a day...

2010-04-16T07:59:00.001-07:00

Hello world.

So far I've kinda kept my promise to blog everyday huh! Hahaha only 2 days.. Anyway today was rather interesting. One of my better days, not in terms of happiness though. This morning had to meet yongjia lukas tj and wilfred for breakfast at macs at 720. Guess what? I woke up at 740 as USUAL. Then i took cab to kovan macs. Couldn't eat there peacefully. Had to take away and on the way to school eat (: Today the gp lesson was really damn rare. Cos our teacher came in like 15mins late, and we sorta had a short break and so we roamed around the school buying stuff to munch on. Then i got back my gp test, got an E grade :D and like stoned for the rest of the lesson. I closed my eyes for awhile and mrs goh called ERICC! and she looked at me. OMGOSH la keep forgetting my name and she couldn't recognise me cos of my freaking hair. Walao. Btw maths test got full marks. But alamak not counted for anything.. Sucks. Moral boosters only..

Okay skipping to the RELEASE OF PW RESULTS!! My class was at LT4 and we were all waiting so anxiously cause getting a B or C is like really the end of the world lah cos 80.8% of my cohort got A grade and ONLY 0.7% got C grade. And before getting our results, Ms liu and Mr nahar was talking to us and saying that ohhhh we musn't be sad even if we got a B or C cause it's still a good grade, and their faces were like FREAKING disappointed. Then mr nahar said, "there's no need to tell every1 individually what their grades are, cause every1 got the same grade." Logically because the number of A grades were so high, any1 could have guessed that every1 got A. But because of their sad faces, we were like ALL B AHHHH???????? But oh well. HAHA every1 got an A. Yay. Everyone was like so happy. Lol.

Soccer was great. Made a few nice brilliant saves. Preparing for next year :D But my swollen last toe still very painful LOL. Thanks YONGJIA. Y'know i feel very guilty when i'm with you. But i feel very comfortable and like normal myself, even if i don't say a word. And i kinda like that kinda feeling though. Okay i'm gonna sleep now. I hope you sleep well (;

Wake up later ah <3 Haha! Nights every1!!! (:

I'm back :D

2010-04-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

Hello (:

What a year 2009 had been. 1 year passed so fast ya? Well, I've decided to continue blogging since i cant do homework when i am at home. So yeah might as well spend time reflecting and maybe use my blog as a memory. Lots and lots of things has happened. If you aren't that updated I'm sorry haha (:

Studies are rather well managed so far. Tests are okay but not up to expectations. Aiming so high, expected to attain it, and fail to do so. Yeah it's kinda demoralizing but oh well, I'll work really hard for the upcoming tests. Sp life is really quite okay though. Lotsa free time and can use that time to complete homework and speed ahead way in front of other people! (Y) Weakest subjects are still economics and GP. Seriously cant get economics but i know i will if i put in the effort. I guess I'm just plain lazy. My bad habit is starting already. SLEEPING. Although so much lesser from last year, but i still do have late nights and the next day I'll be darn tired. Luckily i have good friends that wake me up (and KNOW HOW TO make me stay awake). (: Thank God. North Zone is already over, came in 2nd place while NYJC won the championship. I didn't play anyway.. Hopefully next year. Nationals we started off really great. Won NUS high 3-0, ACJC 2-0. Then we lost to NYJC 2-1 and RJC 2-1. Rather unlucky games though. We'll be playing JJC on Monday and hopefully we'll win and make it through to the quarter finals. Feeling so useless on the bench in all the matches. What are the chances of anwar getting injured? Just imagine training so hard and improving so much for 1 whole year, and in the end getting taken over but some guy who recently just came into the team. Yeah okay life is unfair sometimes. Imagine next year the same thing happens. Understand how reluctant i am to quit? But giving up is not really the solution. Thanks jinghui for talking to me(: I'll train hard, heck teng, and be the best GK there is. Me and the sp soccer are going to bring SRJC to the semi finals at least.

I'm a person that doesn't really voice out my feelings, and i know that it's very bad to do so. I'll just show my emotions through my behavior like acting really sad or so. I'm sorry. After reading your blog i am quite speechless. I'm like that. I do try. But yeah i fail miserably. That's the way i am and yea i can try to change, but not to the extent that will suit you perfectly. What i say i really do mean it. No contradictions. I know for myself. It's up to you to believe. Like I've said, i don't show it at all. Sometimes i really do wonder how to juggle my time. I'm very lousy i know. So it's also very hard to understand your feelings at any point of time. You don't deserve someone who makes you cry. Even if you do cry very easily, your perfect one won't make you cry at all you understand? I don't want you to get your feelings messed up. I don't want you to be confused. I don't want you to doubt me anymore. I don't want you to keep guessing my thoughts. When you do this i really feel regrets. Like what i should have done and should not have done. I don't take you for granted. I'm serious. But anyways, life does go on. Sometimes we really have to let go of certain things. I'm really sorry. Every night i ponder and ponder and ponder, and i don't get anywhere. I feel quite useless.
Please stay happy. <3

Camp over and I DUN WAN GO SCHOOL

2009-06-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

HI again.. HA sorry long time never update. I had camp from 14th of June to the 18th of June. Camp Orion! The 3 congregations were having a combined camp, and like i got to know so many people from the Chinese and mm side. Yeah camp was really great, although being in the logistics team was abit tiring and sian, still quite fun lah. Most memorable things are like me and joseph going to the pull up bar during certain periods of the camp at least 3 times a day, powerpacked training, being games ic/master, and sleeping on hard floor.. (sleepless nights). And on the last day, slept at like 6am+ lah.. Siao right, furthermore, woke up at 10.. Ok about today, at around 1am+, me and a few others from church were at hougang lan shop playing L4D.. Crazy. Then no bus after lanning, so went to sleep at qi hang's house. Woke up late for church later on, reached church at around 10am+. SLEPT DURING SERVICE!! tsk tsk.. after that, had lunch, then went back to the seminar room to play board games which i did not play.. then went to tj house, lehpak, dota then go play badminton for 15mins at plmgs.. HAHA. nothing much today. And... about going back to school, i dun wan!! super sian, thinking of studying makes me sick nowadays.. BAD.. Ok time to dota one game then sleep.
Take cares ^^

Hitting my physical limit!

2009-05-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

HEYY. Alright man, now my whole lower body is aching like mad!! Cos two days in a row got soccer training and it was like the first training after a long midyr exams period. And everywhere i walk i feel pain everywhere on my legs. Oh wells, today morning i met up with my project work group, discussed a few things here and there about the group project proposal. Had to use the lousy laptops the library provided and the connection was so low that the laptops were of no use! Ahh, then during training today, chang was helping me train up my basic fundamentals cos sometimes i fumble after i block a shot to catch the ball. Wah i tell you ah, my legs were like jelly? Had no strength to get up after a dive or kneeling down to scoop up the ball. After a short rest, my head was a little pain after each time i threw my body on the ground to stop a ball. Had to go to the shade again to rest. Then Mr Amin asked me to train my goalkicks. Wah my legs are really useless, cant even kick a normal soccer ball. Freak man. But when i aiming for the goal, like a freekick, the ball i shoot can fly. WTH? Anyways! I did not concede any goal today during the 7 vs 11 matches and team a vs team b match. Good but i still did not communicate enough and cant punch the ball when crosses come in. I hope i'll improve soon =( ok then after training when to eat dinner with jay and feng and then tau hui! Now i'm on my bed using the laptop. =.='' OKAY guys, sleep well and nights!

Just another normal day.

2009-05-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

Hey. Yea so today i woke up pretty early. At 6:45am then reach school at 7:10am just to play soccer with yu feng. Then played until 9am cos the sun too hot already.. Headed for the school gym after that and totally had no mood to gym. AHH! cant understand why. But feng was unexpectedly enjoying himself at the gym, facing the mirror and scolding 'himself'. =.='' crazy fella. anyways, today was the final match for nationals at the jalan besar stadium. Most of the soccer boys went. The match was VJC against MJC. Final score 3-2 with VJC winning. A so called spectacular save from the VJC keeper or else it would have been a 3 all score, ending with penalties. I think that the goalkeeper was at the correct positioning cos the headed ball was aiming for the near post. Lucky i guess... Well, after the match me feng jay went to chomp chomp for dinner. Freaking spent $13 per person! What's more ah, nvr finish the food ordered.... Sian lah, then go walk with rach and eileen until a park, climb spider web, swing on the swings etc... then went home. And now, on my bed with the laptop trying to think of strategies for pw-cyber bullying.
Alrights.. ending this post here. :) nights..

Mid Yr is coming to an end. But studying has not.

2009-05-21T04:05:00.000-07:00

Hey. Yea this whole week is my midyrs. Busy trying to get a sub-pass and above for all subjects. Oh well, today i had my chemistry. One of the easier papers:) haha.. i got a really bad feeling that i cant even reach 40points for midyrs. AHH. Then next week still got pw from tuesday to friday! Whoo. Anyway, i'm just trying to live my life as it is, letting bygones be bygones, accepting whatever comes my way. However, there are a few obstacles that always come by me. Could be people, studies, or other random things. Yeah.. aye.. got nothing in my mind now. Eh, till next time, bye:)
*sorry for such a short post..

Learnt something that day

2009-05-09T06:44:00.000-07:00

Yoz. Sorry for not updating. Kinda busy these days. Well, i actually managed to run 9:42min for 2.4km. Something that i thought it was impossible to do for myself. My soccer coach asked me to keep up with his pace during the run. Yeah some might say i cheat abit but at least i have accomplished a timing below 10min and i know i am capable of doing such things. Hmm ya lesson learnt? We are all capable of things that we never thought we could do. Alright. About today, i woke up at 12noon++. Powerpacked sleep. Anyway, after my lunch with my family, i went to parkway to study with feng jay chang & shu. Settled down at mac cafe and tried to study. Ya i got study abit but only abit. Hais. Not a good environment cos got SOME people camwhore and act cute the whole day. Then around 6pm+ went upstairs for a game of pool. Then took 853 home. I was in luck when 853 went through geylang and i saw my family having dinner. LOL then i pang sei feng on the bus and went off to join my family:) had the last bit of crap noodles (woo!) and then went home. Now studying lah. Midyears coming next next week. Well, signing off now and till the next update, take care all....

Satay number 2

2009-04-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

Sup all:) hmm saturday 25/4. morning i had math lecture from 8 to 9:30 sia. haiss. came in the lecture theatre about 8mins late and i was feeling really tired throughout the whole lecture. really had a hard time understanding the topic. SIAN. Anyway, after that i headed for hougang gym to work out. quite productive workout sia:) ahh then went back to school (intention to study) but ended up playing soccer. Aiyoo. Then went to heartland mall with Jay and Feng to buy present. Wah take like 10years to buy present for ebby siol. HA then after we FINALLY bought the present we went ebby house to celebrate his bday. Alamak go there then kanna satay-ed sia. ME is a innocent boy bending down to wear my shoes only lah. Then i bend down ah, my asshole will auto open abit and yeow's fingers had to go up that particular hole sia. Wakao eh pain like dunno what sia. He had to choose my lovely butt over so many people's. Basket! Oh wells. Reached home after that at around 11plus. OKAY thats it for the day. =D sleep well everyone...

Screwed day

2009-04-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

hellos to everyone. my second post for my blog:) anyways, today was srjc olympics day. Got selected to run for 30x200m but i pulled out cos my knee injured. THEN suddenly got not enough people. So i okok la go run cos my leg wont pain when i wear the knee support. After i went to change into my pe attire then went to the starting line to wear bibs, wahh, kanna kicked out cos got more than enough ppl. THE REASON FOR this??? COS i injured. Basket, change into pe attire just to get kicked out. Later during soccer match with cca mates, i screw up like shit. Firstly i got no boots and gloves. pathetic. Next, my defender pass to me and i picked up the ball with my bloody hands. 2 times leh! 2 !!! retarded. i also miss kick then the striker from outside penalty box kick high ball into the goal. WALAO. just not meant to be a keeper sia. hais. oh well. another day has gone pass. Nights ppl.

Finally eh? A BLOG!

2009-04-18T06:57:00.001-07:00

Hey people:) oh yea i decided to have a blog. Oh yea today in the morning i slept at like 5am!! Siao right. Doing project work PI sia. I found out that i did not save my PI and had to redo again. Did other work like chemistry too. Then, supposed to go for General Paper test later at 8am but overslept. Woke up at 7.50am and decided not to go. HAHA then i went to school at 10am for chemistry and physics extra lesson. AIYO. Screwed my physics retest although improved by 3 marks ONLY. SIAN RIGHT. Then after lunch wanted to study but kept talking to yufeng. Talk until so happy then never do any studying. =P OH well. One saturday flew pass. OKAY thats it for today. Goodnight and sleep well everyone =)